The strangest feeling

Sat, 17 Jul 2010 · Filed under Books, Home · Tagged , , , , , ,

Today, I have the strangest and very strong feeling that Stu is near me, or close by. It is a strong sense of his presence – physical or spiritual – hard to describe, very strongly felt. I think about him often, but today it’s different. It really feels as though my thoughts are coming directly from Stu, and as if he’s right next to me, just behind me over my shoulder.

It is a little spooky, but a lovely feeling – comforting and reassuring – as if to give me faith that somehow everything will be alright. It makes me wonder: is Stu thinking about getting in touch? It might sound daft, but it really did feel as though he was near.

Perhaps the feeling was partly inspired by the book I am reading now: Her Fearful Symmetry, by Audrey Niffenegger (author of The Time Traveller’s Wife – her debut novel, which I hope to read soon). I am really enjoying HFS so far – it has some great characters, one of which is a ghost, and I just love the setting – in and around Highgate Cemetery – a brilliant, wild, overgrown and spooky place, which looks simply amazing and I would love to visit it one day.

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“Think what you have meant to me”

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 · Filed under Books, Home · Tagged , ,

I have just finished reading ‘The Very Thought of You’, by Rosie Alison. I love it. I can identify with several of the characters and the relationships they had. One particular passage (p100) perfectly reflects a relationship I’ve had:

“The ongoing erosion of their marriage was subtly cumulative, he felt, but turned on a series of failed moments which might perhaps have been different. For which he was to blame as much as her. There had been so many times when he might have reached out to Elizabeth and stroked her cheek, or caught her eye and touched her heart. But too often he would neither look at her, nor hear her silent calls; instead, he resisted her romantic gestures because he felt too foolish, in his condition, to be a lover.

Thomas knew that he had too often shut his own door on her.”

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Protected: Letters I’ve Written

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 · Filed under Ethics, Home · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

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“To be parted from your house…”

Sat, 6 Feb 2010 · Filed under Family History, Research & Study · Tagged ,

Today, some papers for some family history research I’m doing arrived. Last July, I discovered the story of two elderly sisters who took their own lives following the local council’s decision to designate the area they lived in a ‘clearance area’. The ladies had lived in the same cottage all their lives and the council just wrote them a letter telling them their home will be demolished.

I can’t imagine the distress this would cause anyone, let alone two sisters in their seventies who had known no other home than the one they were born and brought up in. Their predicament reflects that of E M Forster’s Miss Schlegel in ‘Howards End’, with whom Mrs Wilcox sympathises: “To be parted from your house, your father’s house – it oughtn’t to be allowed. It is worse than dying.”

The sisters had lived in a close-knit community, formed among the residents of many cottages, houses, pubs and shops along narrow lanes in a small market town. The council condemned the whole area as unfit for human habitation and, in demolishing it, destroyed close community ties and a significant proportion of the town’s heritage, neither of which could be replaced by the blocks of modern ‘luxury’ flats that were soon to be constructed on the site.

Anyway, the documents I received today make difficult reading, providing an agonising glimpse of the sisters’ situation. I just want to go back in time and stop the council in its tracks – these ladies kept themselves to themselves, they never did any harm to anyone, why did such a horrible thing have to happen to them, so traumatic that they decided to end it all.

After reading the documents, I dashed off to visit a friend – I was there yesterday as well, helping her write a nomination for a colleague of hers to receive an award. When I arrived, we went straight on to see a friend of hers to check what we’ve written and get more information. We had a very warm welcome and enjoyed tea and cake, with a proper tea service, cake forks, serviettes, etc. It was very quaint. This chap’s home struck me as quite unusual – there were lots of trinkets and some nice-looking old family photos around, and some more modern ones of the royal family! It was good to chat to someone I wouldn’t normally see, and I wish I had talked more (still lacking confidence, after all these years).

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Finished (another) course!

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 · Filed under Family History, Research & Study · Tagged , , , , , ,

I am very relieved to have finished the short OU course I’ve been doing. Start Writing Family History has helped me find lots of new resources and sources of family history information. However, I am not sure it has helped much with my writing skills. Part of the first assignment was to write a plan for the second assignment. I thought I had my head round what the second assignment was about and tried to show that, but tutor’s feedback implied I had misunderstood. This kind of put me off the whole thing, and it was difficult to motivate myself.

Consequently, the second assignment was put-off until it was too late to do a proper job and I didn’t focus properly – either on the question or the way I said I was going to answer it (by focussing on migration). Also, the tutor’s feedback pointed out the difference between writing family history academically and writing it for relatives of those being written about. I want to write family history as part of genealogy/family history research for others, and perhaps earn some money in the process, so this distinction was not encouraging – ie the course was not going to help me in the way I wanted it to.

I will carry on writing and researching, and now at least I have the resources to delve into family history much more deeply (although not the funds, unfortunately); there are plenty of alternative resources about how to write about it. There is another distance learning course (five independent ‘modules’) run by Cambridge University, which I would really like to do, but I can’t justify the expense, especially as I probably know some of the information already; the module on maps and surveys for family history would be particularly interesting for me.

The most important thing if I want to write, is to read – I want to read and I need to find the time to do it. There are various distractions, and I generally find that when I finish one book I don’t know what to read next and it takes me ages to get back into reading. When I do have a book I’m reading, I usually do so in bed before I go to sleep. If it’s a really good book, I’ll also read in the bath, and even lounging decadently on the sofa during the day!

It would be good if I could read books as fast as I can buy them! I love bookshops. There is an especially good one in Ely, Topping Books (who also have a shop in Bath). It is a great place to while away the hours (in Ely, three floors of books stacked everywhere, plus free tea and coffee!) – ideally followed by tea and cake at Peacocks Tearoom! It would be great to visit all the bookshops in the Guardian’s list: 10 of the best: Secondhand bookshops, especially as they’re all in such great locations, and have such inviting exquisite-looking atmospheres.

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Car fire in the village!

Tue, 7 Jul 2009 · Filed under Home · Tagged , , , ,

Just saw massive column of smoke behind house. We dashed out to find the flames and found a car on fire down the lane across the road. So exciting! Here’s a photo of the firemen putting out the flames, and a couple of onlookers.

Car fire

Car fire

The firemen didn’t seem to know where the nearest fire hydrant was – they could save valuable time if they had fire hydrant locations loaded onto a sat nav in the fire engine, or is that too obvious?!

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‘Bom Dia’ from Portugal

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 · Filed under Travel · Tagged , , , ,

I arrived at my sister’s smallholding (Quinta das Abelhas) in Portugal today, after a long and tiring trek from home. Mum and I flew to Porto yesterday, and stayed the night at Pão de Açúcar with my sister and her husband. The rooms we had were very nice, but not quite as stylish as the ones shown on the website. One thing that was as good as it looks is the staircase.

pao-de-acucar-staircase3

Pão de Açúcar staircase

Today, we all explored parts of Porto, including the, reputedly, most beautiful bookshop in the world! – Livraria Lello).

Livraria Lello, Rua das Carmelitas

Livraria Lello, Rua das Carmelitas

Unfortunately, as it was Sunday, we could not get a proper look inside. However, the interior can be seen from dizzying angles at 360 Portugal, and it is included in the world’s 10 best bookshops (according to the Guardian). UPDATE  2nd August 2010: there are some amazing photos (from various sources) of the interior of Livraria Lello at Desi Colours. The staircase looks stupendous!

We strolled on into Rua dos Clerigos, with views west towards Clerigos Tower, and east towards Praça de Liberdade and beyond.

Rua dos Clérigos - view west

Rua dos Clérigos - view west

Rua dos Clérigos - view east

Rua dos Clérigos - view east

We made our way on to the cable car to get down the hill to Ponte Dom Luis and Cais de Ribeira. As the cable car emerges from the tunnel and rounds the bend, the view is a stunning panorama of south Porto.

Ponte Dom Luis

Ponte Dom Luis

The gifts in the tourist shops along Cais de Ribeira are bright and colourful, but, of course, very pricey. The tile-fronted houses, with decorative balconies are all very pretty.

The square at the west end of Cais da Ribeira (where it joins Rua dos Mercadores) is also lovely – very busy with people at the restaurant. There is a certain ‘Englishness’ about the buildings here, especially the black and white one – the timber frame, sash windows and a little bit more overhang at each higher level.

Rua dos Mercadores from riverside

Rua dos Mercadores from riverside

We had a delicious lunch at Chez Lapin, a restaurant by the river, then slowly made our way back to Ponte Dom Luis, across the river and towards our transport home, enjoying the colourful scenery along the way.

Fig tree with Ponte Dom Luis beyond

Fig tree with Ponte Dom Luis beyond

Cais de Estiva

Cais de Estiva

The weather has been gorgeous, with bright blue skies making the architecture look even more stunning. It was a brief tour of Porto, and a very enjoyable one.

It was exciting to see my sister’s place, too – a lot has changed since I was last here and everything is looking very good. Life here is very low impact and sustainable, using a huge range of technologies along the way.

They grow their own fruit and vegetables, using them to make olive oil, wine, jams, pickles, etc. There are various forms of accommodation spread out across their bit of terraced hillside – a small house, a bigger house (renovation in progress), three yurts and three caravans.

View from yurt

View from yurt

Visitors are welcome here, whether it’s for a low impact holiday or to volunteer on the farm in return for food and accommodation. See Portugal Smallholding for more information.

It was great to meet all the animals – I don’t even have a cat any more, and having grown up on a small-holding with various combinations of dogs, cats, goats, pigs, Shetland ponies, bullock, turkeys, chickens, etc, I miss having a few furry friends around!

Horses at Quinta das Abelhas

Horses at Quinta das Abelhas

Skyline at Quinta das Abelhas

Skyline at Quinta das Abelhas

With an eventful day drawing to a close, I’m feeling quite reflective, so bear with me if the next bit sounds like nonsense! It has been a day of strange familiarity in a way, back on a small-holding, which brings memories from childhood, and back in Portugal, which reminds me of more recent times. When I was studying geology, we had three or four field trips to Portugal, so the architecture and landscape are familiar, but still strange in some ways, too.

Most of my recent travels have been to Ireland, which is probably why it feels quite strange to be here – it’s hard to explain, but I know what I mean! Perhaps something to do with going to Ireland feeling like ‘home’, whereas coming here definitey feels ‘foreign’ and like being on holiday.

Anyway, holiday or not, I still have to go to bed (this has never been one of my strong points, nor has getting up!). Good night!

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Chronic Fatigue Syndrome research study

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 · Filed under Health · Tagged , , , , , , ,

Through Georgina Downs, one-woman anti-pesticides campaigner (UK Pesticides Campaign), I have the opportunity to take part in a research study on the physical causes of chronic fatigue syndrome. I am in the pesticides category because for twelve years I have lived next to arable fields which are regularly sprayed with pesticides. The study is being led by Professor Basant Puri and involved giving up a day of my time to attend the Robert Steiner MR Unit at Hammersmith Hospital, London for various tests.

First, I had an MRI scan of my brain. In preparation, I had made sure I was wearing absolutely no metal of any kind – no piercings, no bra wires, no studs on my clothes, etc. Prof Puri couldn’t believe I didn’t need a hospital gown (I really wanted to avoid having to undress and wear one of those things), so I made sure I convinced him. I had to wear earplugs, because the scanner is so noisy, and a headset so that Prof Puri could communicate with me during the scan. The scan took a bit longer than it should have, due to hitches with the Philips’ software (much maligned by Prof Puri, and supporting Stu’s intense hatred of anything Philips!). Although I wasn’t able to see, I know Stu watched the screens avidly, and bombarded Prof Puri with questions and his ‘astounding knowledge’, while the scan was in progress. He also photographed the displays on the screen, so I have a record of some of the raw results. Here’s what they found (yes, a real brain!):

MRI Brain Scan - Image 1

MRI Brain Scan - Image 2

MRI Brain Scan - Image 3

It is so weird to see your own brain in images like this. To think that they illustrate what makes me me!

After the MRI scan, I had to have a load of electrodes attached to my head for an electro-encephalograph (EEG). I’ve had two of these before, the only problem is the sticky goo they use to ensure a good connection of the electrode to the scalp, especially when it’s matted in my thick, long curly hair. Stu wanted a photo of me wearing the net of electrodes, but I was definitely not going to allow that. While the EEG was measuring my brain waves, I had to do various puzzles on a computer, and watched out of the corner of my eye the EEG results scrolling across another screen.

During the EEG, another girl (who had arrived to take part in the study while the electrodes were being attached) emerged from MRI scanner room. She wimped out of all the other tests, saying she couldn’t manage. Well, I was thoroughly exhausted throughout (especially when the electrodes were being attached – it took ages), but I was committed to taking part in the study fully, to help the research as much as possible, and for my own interest and curiousity. More likely the problem was seeing me looking ridiculous with all those electrodes on my head.

When the EEG was finished, I got to have a shower and get all the goo out of my hair, then there a was physical examination. (Actually, I didn’t have a proper shower because it wasn’t the most salubrious of facilities – I decided on a rather precarious operation, which involved standing in the shower partially-clothed and washing just my hair, while trying to keep the rest of me dry – largely successfully!)

Finally, we chatted with Professor Puri and his assistants. They would’ve taken hair and nail clippings, to analyse them for pesticide content, but there isn’t sufficient funding for the analysis, so they didn’t bother. This was disappointing, because I’m very interested in finding out how much of the stuff I have in my system. Prof Puri says the brain scans will be analysed in due course and forwarded to my GP, and he will explain the results to me. I really look forward to seeing the results – what is shown here just proves I do have a brain, it doesn’t say anything about how well it works (or doesn’t)!

It was a really tiring day, I felt thoroughly exhausted and very hungry by the time they had finished with me and all I really wanted was a nice cup of tea. By the time we left (in the pouring rain), and Stu had retrieved the car, it was well gone 6pm and finding said tea seemed a rather remote hope. We stopped at quite a nice cafe on the way and had something to eat and drink, and then headed homeward. It was good to be home, but I was really over-tired and it was hard to relax.

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Staying with friends in Ireland

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 · Filed under Environment, Research & Study · Tagged , , , ,

…to attend college. Oh, it’s so good to be here, I love Ireland – I feel really ‘at home’ here, the landscape is gorgeous and the people are very friendly.

I have been studying for a BSc in Rural Development with University College Cork (part-time, by distance learning) since September 2006. The third and fourth years of the course are full-time. I think attendance at college will be the same (one day every four to six weeks), but the work and assignments will be easier if I am here (for example, interviewing people involved in rural development in Ireland).

So, I’ve come to stay with friends who live near Cahir in County Tipperary. I feel much better here: the air is cleaner and life is more relaxed. I will be glad to get on with the coursework and be more involved with life in Ireland. My friend has set me up with a huge study space, looking out on an amazing view across the countryside, with an occasional train passing by to remind me the world is still out there – otherwise, it is so quiet and peaceful, I could easily forget.

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Controlling enemies’ minds?

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 · Filed under Ethics · Tagged , , , , , ,

Crikey, I just read this: “Defense Spooks: Let’s Control Enemy Minds” and am incensed! Can any weapon be ethical, let alone one that impairs your enemies’ ability to respond?? I agree with some of the comments there, including ZenDraken, who said:

“On the other hand, here’s a thought experiment: What if we had a truly non-lethal, non-destructive weapon that simply caused the enemy to lay down their arms and surrender? Would it be unethical for us to use such a weapon? Or would it be unethical for us to *not* use such a weapon?”

Indeed, a tricky one, I think – in the light of my “all weapons are unethical” generalisation, perhaps…? Who knows? I would say “I can’t argue with myself”, but, knowing me, I probably could!

Obviously, it would be unethical to instigate your enemy to surrender, and then to take advantage of that by taking control where it had been relinquished. However, to ‘enable’ an attacking enemy to withdraw, so that you can go about your peaceful, lawful business, might be a different matter. But, where do you draw the line? who do you consider ‘attackers’: those who disagree with your beliefs? those who are campaigning for you to change your beliefs? and/or those who might/will/are trying to harm you for your beliefs?

Who am I to preach to another how they should live their lives? There are so many diverse cultures (eg different religions, indigenous tribes) in this world, all with the right to live within their beliefs. OK, that sounds reasonable. But, what if those beliefs include animal sacrifice? control of a particular section of society? human sacrifice? child abuse? The ‘western/capitalist world’ claims to be ‘civilised’, but also seems to have many faults, one of which is, perhaps, being overly judgemental of others (both within and without the ‘western world’).

Therefore, why should the ‘western world’ presume to try and preach to others – maybe it is us who’ve been wrong all along, and we should keep our noses out of other people’s business, instead of trying to impose our beliefs on people and situations where ‘western beliefs’ are inappropriate.

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